Journaling 5/3/23

So, as I am taking a break and working on myself and re-branding, I have come to a possible solution for me for journaling! And that is to type it out! I love typing on my laptop as it reminds me of using a typewriter. I think I will buy a typewriter for my birthday this year, maybe. Anyway, I am hoping that using my blog will help me stay consistent. I want to journal at least 2-3 times a week. And if that doesn’t happen, hopefully I will be able to give myself some grace and a stern but loving talking to.

So, today I used my tarot deck for the first time in a long time. I did a Generic Spread as I found in the booklet that came with it. I am using the ‘Mystical Manga Tarot Deck’ by Rann and the text by Barbara Moore. The spread is 5 cards with card 1 being the top, 2-4 being the middle (from left to right) and 5 being the bottom. I did it as :

1. Situation : Page of Coins

2. Challenge : III of Cups

3. Solution : The Star

4. What is hidden : The Fool

5. Outcome : The Moon

Before I type out my interpretation, I just wanted to say that I LOVE how the outcome card is The Moon. The Moon is my FAVORITE card in the Tarot Deck. I always see it as, even if I am struggling, all that I have to do is remember to find the light and follow it home.

SO, I will be honest and my main theme for this spread was my photography business. I have seemed to just be burnt out and just unsure of if I should continue my business. I am not sure if maybe it was just one of my ADHD hobbies and now it has run it’s course, or if it is what I am meant to do. As a Virgo, I have learned that the best suited career path for me would be one of SERVICE. And what I do is an act of service. So, maybe I just need to lay everything flat out and remember to be consistent and JUST DO THE FUCKING WORK.

Card I : The Situation : Page of Coins

SO, to me with this card being in the first spot (and the fact that it fell out of the Deck, to me just confirms that my theme was accepted and agreed upon. Because I did get comfortable and that lead to me feeling stuck. I will definitely use the advice given. I feel seen because I am actively working on creating and learning what my best practices are.

Card II : The Challenge : III of Cups

This card falling into the Challenge spot REALLY HITS HOME. I have definitely isolated myself and that in turn has made me feel like I am left out. I find it hard to stay consistent and I like to think that I am the friend that can go years without a word and then everything just feels like we picked up right where we left of when we are back together again. BUT, I really have to work on being social with my circle that is outside of my family.”When you are with your people, you feel like your best self because you are being reflected back to yourself through your friend’s eyes.” I LOVE this because this is how I want my clients to feel when they are in my presence. But, I don’t enjoy that space myself. So, I need to work on that and allow myself to enjoy that space.

Card III : The Solution : The Star

I take this card as it is written and that it is confirmation that me taking a step back is what I need to continue doing to keep moving forward. Taking a rest and reflecting and relaxing. Now, let’s see if I can actually allow myself to rest.

Card VI : What is hidden : The Fool

The meaning of this card is new beginnings, BUT, if you read the section where it says “if reversed” the question that sticks out to me is “Am I letting fear stop me from living my soul’s purpose?” I think that is why this card is in this spot and why it was pulled. I am letting fear stop me. I live my life in fear of everything. I have allowed myself to be a hermit and isolated because of fear. Which is why I am doing what I am dong.

Card V : The Outcome : The Moon

I am gong to take this card in this position as a warning that if I do not do the work, then the outcome will just be me sitting here going through the motions again and again and again like I have been. I need to rely on my intuition and allow myself to be forgiven for repeating the same cycle that I already thought I did the work to prevent. It takes consistency and empathy. I just needed the reminder to do the work. I deserve to break this mental cycle and live the life that I envision.

Also, the fact that The Fool and The Moon are back to back (even The Star before him) just confirms that I need to stop allowing myself to give into fear. And give myself a little grace to grow.

In conclusion, I am going to take this reading as I am doing what I am supposed to be doing but to not forget the work and the shadow work that comes with it. And to remember that finding a new angle or hitting a stop sign is just a pause for reflection and redirection.

Thank you for allowing me to hold space with you for a few minutes of your day. I hope that if you relate to this, you feel less alone. Sending you lots of light and love. – Kendraanne

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